Short Story : Missing Her

Today I will take a walk instead of autorickshaw which I normally take while going home. Anyways I am not in a hurry to reach home, as she is not here. Otherwise she would call and shout: where are you?  Why are you late? Yeah she says she is concerned but the way she screams on phone makes me thinks otherwise. Is it really concerned or just curious if I am roaming with somebody? Then she will give a list of things to be purchased like I am some shopkeeper providing home delivery service. And in the end, she will say, come fast, I am waiting.  I use to control my anger because I use to feel dominated by her but I ignore it and would just say Okay.

When I rang the door bell of the house, I half expected her to run from the bedroom to open the door but it’s my father who opens it. And I enter the house and still half expecting her to take my wallet to keep it safely in the cupboard, she says she loves it but I like it more than her, though I have never told her this. But alas, there is no sign of her anywhere in the house. I go to my room and open the cupboard to place the watch, and change my clothes.  She is not in the balcony so that I could pinch her at the back and tease her for being fat. Not that it matters to me, but she gets irritated, so I do it. I lie on the bed, imaging her face, her giggles and her long curly hair, she looked like an innocent child but she is not here, I can only smell her perfume on the pillow cover.

My head is splitting with headache. It’s being there, since the time she went away. When she was here, she liked massaging my face and the body. She used to enjoy it and it was her regular chore before we cuddled in the night. Then one day, she wanted to make love under the open sky, she had fantasized it for a long time, so we did it in once at 2 am in the terrace. She loved singing. She didn’t have a great voice but just to irritate me, she would do it. She never liked taking orders from me. If I did, I would end up hearing her set of complaints about how much she is compromising in her life by marrying me. She behaved like a queen and indeed she was for me, a prized possession I enjoyed my life with. We were married for two years but still behaved like kids fighting for a single toy. She was a darling of my parents.  Not that she did any housework, infract she didn’t do any work at all in the house. She knew her way around with my mom. She loaded her with gifts and use to pamper her. And get special whisky bottles for my dad. And I had fallen in love with her at first sight. So she had us all under her charm.

One night she surprised me by singing a lullaby. And it sounded so horrible, that I had to kiss her for a longest time before she finally gave up. I can still feel her laughing under my lips.  It’s being two months since I lost her in a car accident. She wasn’t even driving, Oh god! It was not even her fault.  We had our lovers tiff and just to prove that she can manage alone, she went off alone to have her roadside delicacies. I only wish I had gone with her. That unfateful day, destiny had made plans for her. A young boy in his twenties, royally drunk, lost control of his car and hit her and she died on the spot due to internal bleeding. In death also, she proved herself right that she can manage alone. It’s only I who cannot manage alone now. I am missing her.

Love or Arranged Marriages

There are people those who will advice you

Never go for love marriage

OR Never go for arranged marriage

OR Never marry only

But I would like to tell you

Marriage, arranged or love,

It requires a whole amount of

Your Time,

Your Caring Nature,

Your love,

Your patience and

Lastly and most importantly

Your  Forgiving nature.

I guess we all have this in us

but sometimes we just don’t want to 

While climbing

I climb the stairs with great difficulty, not that I am too old to climb this staircase. But thinking of the four floors which I have to climb and reach without an elevator makes me all the more tired and I stop at every floor to catch a breath. And sometimes while climbing I wonder if someone is observing me and laughing at me for getting tired so easily. And then I hope that sweetheart would lift me up and drop me home. I know it is tiring for him also but it’s a just passing thought. And yes while climbing I even peep at others house, to see what kind of people live here and sometimes to see the interiors of their house. Some people’s house are so good, it looks like crafted right out of a interior design book, but when you observe the exterior of this building, it looks old, dirty and ready to fall at a little mini earthquake of 1 richer scale. When I observe the ground floor lighting, I make a mental note that I would never buy a house in ground floor as it would be prone to all kind of attacks, what if rain water comes inside your room, or a stranger barges into your house or if some neighbors threw a waste from top floors. Glad that I don’t own a ground floor house, I move on to the first floor. Yay I finally managed one floor without getting tired and I admire all the rooms on that floor, because they are lucky to have houses in this floor. And I look for any girl or a woman, who can become my friend. But like the ground floor, no doors are open here and no one is outside. And I look up, counting, how many more floors remaining to reach my house. And then slowly breathing I reach the second floor. For a change, there are many shoes outside each house and I notice that one of the house owner is providing tutorial for drawing. So there are many small children’s in that house. I peep in that house, hoping to join the classes for learning drawing and I look at the teacher and smile and I dash off to the next floor by taking a heavy breath. And I feel overly restless and tired and hoping my house would shift one floor below, so that I don’t have to climb one extra floor. I stop here for a long time to catch my breath and start hoping for a miracle to take place. But such a thing never happens, and slowly I lift my legs to reach the final floor, the fourth floor, that’s where I live and I am completely breathless when I ring the bell. As the door opens, I run to my room and take a small nap under the fast fan to stop being breathless. And I start making mental note, that I would never buy a house in fourth floor.

For no reason

Sometimes destiny brings us together for no apparent reason and takes us far away from each other for no apparent reason. But they say that whatever happens, it happens for our good. I ask what good is there to meet someone, love someone, being loved by that someone and then loose them forever. Why go through all this circle of emotions for no apparent reason, where in lays only the sad part of life.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart

Happy birthday sweetheart

You are adorable

You are irresistible

You are fun

You are loving

You are smart

And you are mine

And I raise my wine glass

To do cheers with your beer glass

To know that you are special

And I hope to make this day also special

As you have made my life special with your presence

By wearing a deep red color gown

Holding your hand firm

Looking deep in your eyes

And heart filled with emotions

I ask for a dance with you

I ask for a lifetime with you

I ask to be your friend

I ask to be your soul mate

I ask to be your companion

I ask to share your sins

I ask to share your joy

I ask to share your sorrow

I ask to share your dreams

I ask to share your drink

I ask to share our life together

And lastly, I ask to smear the cake on your face

Happy birthday sweetheart 

I am proud to be an Indian

Our tricolor flag speaks volumes for us as a nation and as a country and clearly indicates who we are even if each one of us is different in our own way. And as the tricolor merges into one and forming  our country's flag, I think even we need to join hands together for a better tomorrow.

Happy Independence Day - Come let us stand  together for a better future of our country. For a change, let us do something, so that our country feels  proud of us.  Each effort towards a better India, will not be waste as it is always assumed. It will lead somewhere to a better place than we are at present.

Here is for another rainy day

Here is for another rainy day

Where in you would want to get wet by holding them near

And that someone wouldn't want to do the same.

Sometimes you miss someone so much

That you start fighting with them for no reason at all.

And sometimes you fight with them so much

That you wish that you had never met them at all.

Sometimes you want to be with the person 

Who loves you and thinks of you only the whole time

And when such a thing happens

You start looking for some one

Who thinks of things other than you.

Sometimes someone will love you so much

That you would find excuses and reasons to be away from them

And when you start realizing their worth

You would be left with only reasons and excuses.

And so the rainy day continues....

Don't know what to write about

So I am writing about writing itself. 

I want to write down lot of things

but when I actually start writing

I end up only with few words to spare

and sometimes it so happens 

that I do write down lot of things 

but they don't actually make any sense to me

and I post it,hoping that it makes sense to some one else

Poochie - my stuffed doggie

Once I had a stuffed doggie which I fondly called as "Poochie". It had a mixture of golden and white furs. It was very soft and plump to hold. It had round eyes like a black button and red tongue hanging out his mouth as though waiting to be fed. I use to cuddle with it all night and speak to him in day time whenever I felt sad. It gave solace even with its silence and cute face. Some days I wished, it could speak to me or may be by some miracle, it could start wagging his tail.

One night, it so happened, that I had a terrible dream, where in full slab of tiles had fallen over my face and I had being severely injured and I cried out in pain and woke up every one around me.Then I realised that it was only a dream and every one went back to sleep. It started thundering and raining heavily. There were loud sounds of trees falling down. Then I saw Poochie  lying around me and strangely it looked like as though it was possessed. I felt his eyes shine in the dark and it scared the hell out of me. I saw his tail move for one moment. It looked like that it was going to start talking to me but before it could do such a thing, I managed to keep it out of my sight. I don't know if it was my imagination or it really happened but it spooked me out. I couldn’t sleep that night nor could I hold Poochie that night or any future nights. I covered myself fully with my blanket, even though I couldn’t breathe properly within the blanket, I didn’t dare to peep through it. I continuously twisted and turned in my bed to get sleep and desperately waited for the morning to arrive.

Somehow the long night got over and  sunlight appeared. I was scared to touch Poochie in the day light. I didn’t even have the guts to look at its eyes. With great determination and taking all the possible god's names, I lifted and packed Poochie  inside one suitcase so that it could never scare me again. Sometimes, we have to be careful of what wish we make, cos you never know it might actually come true in any form.

Random ramblings

Rambling 1:  "Life has become a puzzle to be solved

                    Waiting for the right pieces to fall in their correct places

                    Until then it’s all about having patience to move on."

Rambling 2:  "Love is like a dark chocolate
                    Its looks all tempting from the outside
                    But once you have tasted it,
                    It doesn’t feel like a chocolate anymore."

When He Is..

When he is near, I want him to hold me and love me.

When he is away, I want him to miss me the minute he says me ‘goodbye’.

When he is with me, I want him to look deep in my eyes.

Together in a crowd, I want him to hold my hands.

In a party, I want his eyes searching for me.

When in fight, I want him to use the pillow.

In happiness, I want him to lift me up like a trophy.

In sadness, I want him to kiss away all my tears.

When in doubt, I want him to hold me tight.

And in silence, I want him to read me.

And the saga continues….

I don’t know what you call this

I want him with me always.

Just Married

Has it happened to you that you don’t want that some things to happen in your life at all and you dread the worst of it .And no matter how hard you try, it still happens to you and with all the courage you accept it and fear the worst to happen. And once it actually happens, you actually like it and in fact you enjoy every moment of it and feel blessed that it actually happened.

Well I don’t know how to write those feelings that I feel right now but it’s all a jumble of emotions and you are too stunned to react. Well now I truly believe that marriages are made in heaven and I consider myself a blessed soul to feel all this emotions at this time.

There are lots of changes a woman goes through from being single to being married and it’s a difficult path for any woman to cross it. But when there is a man beside you who loves you, then this crossing of paths also becomes sweeter than you assume. From no tikka to one red tikka on your forehead, from no bangles to many colorful bangles on your hand, from jeans to sarees and from being daddy’s little gal to becoming someone‘s sweetheart, and from one name to a new name and with it many new relationships to accept and still more to experience. And yes I love all of it even though I make a mess of it.

shayad

ab is dard ne aisa mod liya hai
ki isse bayan karne ke liye koi shabd nahi
har kahani ko ek anth ya shuruvath nahi milta
kisi ko yaha mukamal jahan nahi milta
jab kabhi tumhari yaad ayegi
hum apne yaadon se simmat ke ro lenge
aur shayad iske aage humse kuch nahi likha jayega

तिरंगे को सलाम

आज  तिरंगे को सलाम है 

 आज हम भी  तिरंगा  को ऊंचा करेंगे  

जम्मू या कन्याकुमारी में  नहीं 

लाल चौक का किला भी नहीं 

पर आज हम इससे अपने दिल में ऊंचा करेंगे

हम अपने दिल में ख़ुशी से लहराएँगे

इसे धरती का कोना या अम्बर की गहराई नहीं चाहिए

सिर्फ अपने दिल में थोड़ी सी जगह दे दो 

वोह ख़ुशी के  तीन रंग  सारे जहाँ में फ़ैल जायेगा 

यह तिरंगा, जो शान्ति, एकता और प्यार का प्रतीक है 

आज फिर से उसे दिल से सलाम है 

आओ चलो हम भी लहराये तिरंगे को अपने दिल में |

rOADS of love

is not at all that easy as they appear to be.

Yes we all like a lover 

I mean who doesn’t love it.

Our mind is filled with all these filmy philosophies of being in love

Who doesn’t like to be courted?

Who doesn’t like to be loved?

With all those romanticism in our mind

We are obsessed with the “love” word itself

That we can never get over it.

But after all this, comes the toughest part

                Our parents

Who cannot understand all this love philosophy at all!

Yes we love them and respect them with all our heart

And suddenly the same loving and doting parents of ours

Turn out to be the villain in our love story.

They find the respective faults with our choice of lover

And we find faults in their orthodox way of thinking.

So here we go in a roller coaster ride of love life

Where we have to manage our lover in one side

With all those great notions, that everything is fair in love and war

And that it’s just a matter of time and everyone will agree with our selected lover.

And then you hear a little sob in one corner of the house

And in between those sobs, you feel their disappointment with you

And you feel all guilty and sad to cause them such pain

Well I don’t know how the lovers do it?

Wondering what those parents feel whose kids elope with their lovers

And in some lucky cases, parents even accept their child back

But for some, parents consider them dead forever.

Few even sacrifice their love for the sake of parent’s happiness

Well some move on, and some hope that some day, everything will be alright

Until then it’s all about waiting and hoping the best.

Something to smile about

Life is giving me some moments to smile about

But this heart is not satisfied

As it wants to smile every moment of this life

But this life is not giving me those moments

So for now, I am treasuring those small moments

As I don’t know, when I will need them 

to make me smile again. 

Something to write about

Life has become really boring. With No TV serials to watch, due to some satellite problem. And to depend for every thing on computer, it feels terrible and specially if its a very slow computer. You feel like banging it or throwing some sense into it... but you know, we can't do it. I envy people who are enjoying vacation in some foreign location or a local by place itself. The place where I am staying right now, doesn't have any of these things, not even theatres for entertainment. I hate going to elder parties also, cos its become a huge task to dress up and appear good and then sit in 1 corner of the room thinking why on earth are you here? !!! Every party, same people and then you don't know what conversation to make with them again.Then you hear ladies chatting about cooking and recipes, then I get more irritated. I can't imagine more boring life than mine. So I don't get any topics also to blog now a days cos my life has become boring. Since by educational qualification, I am a computer engineer, my dad expects me to find out the reason behind our computer being slow!! I wish I had taken hardware courses while doing engineering. ;) Then lately things at home have started getting spoiled. 1st it was my sweet little laptop, its screen got screwed up. then the next thing, our toaster got burnt suddenly. Then now my sweet tiny little mobile has stopped getting charged by any charger. Then our land-line phone seems to stop working sometimes. But correctly at 12:30 in the night, it will ring, some stupid person keeps calling for no-reason at all. Then our Tata Sky receiver has stopped receiving signal, so No TV also. And then our desktop at home has suddenly started working slow, and while browsing it will hang for no reason.For turning it off, takes at least minimum 15minutes. You see series of bad things, I wonder what bad omen it is!! Now my only my sweet little novels have being giving me company. Presently reading, P.S I LOVE YOU...

So until then, take care bloggers and keep in touch but without touching!!HEHE Okay that was just a dumb PJ!!

Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better

Crossing the barrier of "quarter of a century"

Aha that title seems to be taken from epic book!! But no no, its my own words and not taken from any historical books. This blog has caught dust after being ignored from so many months.But believe me, I never wanted to do that. Its just, I get a idea for a topic and by the time, I sit to write, I loose all the interest and I end up writing only a title.But its always a special feeling to write over here, something that makes me happy and I have ignored it all along from a long time. And the funniest thing is, every time I publish some thing here, I tell myself, "I am going to write everyday and publish everyday", But It never happens.

I am drifting away from the main topic, crossing the "quarter of a century". It makes me feel special as well as old. Its not easy to accept so many changes and responsibilities and make quick decisions like elders do. I am still very choosy and still not able to make a quick decisions. Even this time, for selection of one cake, I would have taken another 30 minutes if I had being alone! Every year I would happily wait for this day like a kid, but from the past two years, it has lost its glory, I feel silly cutting cake and receiving gifts. It makes me feel that I am growing older and funnily we all are celebrating the day of becoming older. Like every coin has two sides to it, even birthdays have two sides to it, we receive calls and messages from all our dear ones even if they don't have time in the entire one year to talk to us, but they take this day to remind us, that they still remember and care for us.That's the beauty of this day which I love it all the way.

And don't get me wrong, gifts are always nice, even if its only silly card and that silly card has also being replaced by online e-cards.It still makes me special for that one day, cos its one day where every one thinks of you. Now new patterns have developed where in, the guest receives a return gift. Its wonderful way to share your joy. Then there are people who celebrate their birthdays in the old-age house or the orphanage. I think its quite a noble way to share your joy with the ones who are deprived of them. Life has its way of saying, that whatever we give to others, we get it back too. So if we make some one happy today, tomorrow some one will make us happy too. Thats the way our universe works.

And I have missed out many post of my blogger friends in the past few months. Hopefully this time, I will be able to keep in touch with every one. For now I am enjoying eating my delicious cake, you all enjoy watching me eat.

"Feeling Good" should be considered as an Attitude

Atlast the dark gloomy clouds have moved away,
And I can smile as bright as the Sun
without fearing the world !!

I feel gratitude towards one and all,
who stood by me and even who were questioning my ability.
As the day has come for me to dance away in glory.

Yes I finally got what I wanted the most.
But this fickle mind is not yet satisfied,
as it still wants something more!!


Note: I thank all the people who commented on my last few post,even though I didn't reply to them but it all helped me to move up in mylife. Love all.