Friday, March 20, 2009
Following is a page from Sneha's diary. I know the story has ended, but I needed to present perspective of both the side,then you can decide ultimately! We all have love stories, but its upto each of us to complete it or let it be incomplete.
Scribblings from Sneha's Diary
I feel guilty hurting him, though I love him, I can’t accept him. I don't know how to explain this, call it my ego or selfishness. But I always needed a man who is as qualified as me. He is not even a graduate.
Now I have stopped talking to him. Every two hours, I glance at my cell, hoping to see a message or call from him. I think it’s good this way, No messages, No calls. Just a brief silence, as though the moment is hung.
The problem is, he is very nice and adorable, every gals "dream guy" I would say.In fact he even agreed not to keep in contact, after I stated my reasons for not accepting him. Deep down somewhere, he hopes that I will come back to him. When we parted ways, both cried because the pain is caused by me and not any one else. I am guilty. Sorry seems to be a small word but I hope it can reduce the pain I have caused him. Initially he resisted, but I convinced him that tomorrow will be more painful because of my ego.
I can't seem to understand how he loves a gal like me who is so ego-centric?? Strange are the ways of love or I should say, love is complicated subject, the more you dwell on it, the more you seem to be lost. There is no right or wrong here, it’s only what you feel counts.
I am confused because I don't want to hurt him tomorrow. What if tomorrow after marriage, I introduce him to my friends saying he is a graduate when he is not?? wouldn't it hurt him?? It would be very unfair to him. The whole thing will shatter down.
So I ended it!! so that he won’t be more hurt by my selfishness!!
He says he won’t hate me for what I did to him. Because I have being always special to him and will remain the same always. At least if he hated me, it would be much easier for both of us. I wish things were different. Forgive me Naveen.
Who can say when heart sighs?
Who can say when heart cries?
-from Sweet November
Thursday, March 19, 2009
On request of my friends and bloggers, I am posting the part four of Untold series.I am not quite sure, how long these is going to be continued. So for time being, here is the fourth part.Those who haven't read, here is the first, second and third part.
tHE Untold Story - Part IV
Sneha greeted me when I came home. She seemed to have gained lot of weight and looked even more cuter. I never thought she would speak to me. But here she was, joking on my weight and color. I was quite happy.
Gradually we spoke a lot but this time not on phone; it was face to face, as I had always dreamed of. Sometimes she used to speak non-stop and I use to be lost in seeing her cute face. My days began with her and ended with her.
I asked her out, she readily agreed. Some times for lunch, sometimes for movie, shopping or would just end up in beach. She complained non-stop about her complexion becoming dark in the beach. It was heartwarming to see her beside me. I was content with my life. I couldn’t ask god for more. I loved her more than ever.
Eventually it turned out, that she loved me too but she had some problem in accepting me. She mentioned the reason. I understood her problem but who will make my heart understand?? It’s difficult to let it go but she begged me to understand, so I tried to let it go. The pain was inexpressible. Initially I couldn’t control my feelings and I would end up messaging her or calling her. But this time, she replied harshly.
I was numb by what she said, initially it hurt but I understood her reasons. I don't hate her; I don't think I can ever hate her. She is special for me. I love her and for her sake, I had to let her go.
She says that it’s the best for both of us. I could never deny her anything. I am left with memories, so I will cherish the moments which I have shared with her. I am back to my work place.I can only pray that she comes back to me.
I miss her.
P/S : Last part would be from Sneha.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Weekend is here, and I am waiting for 6pm to go home!!! Everyday at 9am, I start looking at the watch for it to become 6pm but the time seems to have stopped by.
So happy weekend guys and gals!!
Thank you for showing your love and support.god bless all and love all.take care and don't forget to give jaadu ki jappi (hugs)to your loved ones.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I don't have more words to tell, cos in Friendship, NO THANK YOU, NO SORRY ----- Shahrukh khan style!!! Just Friends
Okay Now time to extend my friendship hand to 9 other people.
Charmed One: As the name says, she is really a charming gal!!! need I say more than that?? She is damn sweet and encouraging.
Lancelot :Handsome dude, he claims to be the next Brad Pitt, He can make me laugh even when I am in a melodramatic state!!
Mayz :His words are enough to melt you down (especially the ladies), Sigh :) He is a bf material indeed!!
Keshi : Really a wonderful person,She is very passionate about whatever she does.
Suresh : His words have been encouraging and guiding me when I was lost in this tiny little earth, wallowing in my self pity.
Hope: Hope is indeed beautiful, I cry and laugh at the same time, reading her blog. Its a pleasure indeed, worth reliving each moments.
Ayushi:She claims to be 14, though I don't believe, she can become my elder sister in writing and portraying emotions.
Chriz: Dude, This guy rocks!!! Humorous and senti types (not sentimental), Can make me smile anytime :)
Nehya: She is new to me, yet somehow there has been a untold bonding which I share with her.
Akansha : aHA the tadka gal!! She sizzles at what she writes!!
I love all of the bloggers who are in my blog list and each one of them are special and unique in their own ways!! Forgive me if I have not mentioned you here, but you know, I like you too :)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Charmed one has weaved her magic yet again and here I am bestowed with the cute award for the boy stories in my blog.So I have to share this award with the boy as well. Now don't ask me who is the boy!! Thank you so much Charmed One, its very special to me!!
Now after the excitement has cooled down, the most difficult part is to write 10 things about MY self, its remind me of my essay written in first standard about myself.
My name is .....
I am studying in first standard.
My fathers name is ....
My school name is .....
I live with my mother, father and grandparents.
I love my parents.
I love my school.
That use to be so difficult back then and now its sounds more funny too.
Now also, to write about myself is going to be the difficult task, so bear with me people.I am very bad in praising myself. I cant remember when I praised myself last.I think I have to take training from Lancelot for self praising.just kidding!! Okay here the tensome about me :
1)I just love watching movies, any movies, Sometimes I wont be knowing the language itself.And if the hero is cute enough, then I just watch it.
2)I don't eat rice. Yeah don't ask me the reason. I stopped after I finished 10th. Any places I visit in India,all the relatives and family friends look at me annoyingly and sadly," oh you don't eat rice!!"
3)I get angry at the drop of a hat, yeah very sensitive,anger is on tip of my nose. I must say,angers next definition must be me!!
4)My hair is curly, very very curly, that I just wish they were as straight as noodles!! When I was small, There use to be a poem in kg, called "chubby cheeks"!!I use to think, that the poem was made for me, as I had chubby cheeks,dimple chin,curly hair,very fair, though my eyes were black.!!!
5)When I am with my close friends, I can be a non-stop chatter box. Need to gossip about everyone, even the person whom I have just met in lift, would be under my scrutiny!!! (devil in me, cant stop praising nor criticizing, even though I am not miss perfect)
6)I read lot of romantic novels.On the eve of my board exams, I was hooked up by one of these novels, just to keep myself awake.
7)I am another fan of Hindi TV serials, call me the typical saas-bahu mentality,I love the drama and suspense and yes I used to like ekta kapoor serials, now I have got bored of them. Though I don't like the reality shows like Indian Idol and other singing competitions. I prefer roadies, big boss, splits villa etc etc.
8)And I am a big fan of Enrique Iglesias. He is the man whom I would always wanna meet.I just love his voice, even though some don't like it. I find him irresistible. ;)
9)Lastly if you have not guessed by now. I am hopelessly romantic,all filmy style ( completely bollywood type ). My dream proposal would be, that the guy places the ring in the champagne glass, while drinking, he announces in the entire pub that he is in love with me!!
10)I love eating chaats, all road-side stuff like Bhelpuri,panipuri,shevpuri,dahipuri,bombay sandwich, dhokla, etc etc, (okay my mouth is watering now itself).I cant resist them. Okay You all read this, I will go have panipuri and come.
Oh the trauma is over, I know I am completely hopeless gal, but cant help it.Now moving on to the best part, I have to gift these cute awards to other ten people.Now Charmed one has already given Mayz, Lancelot, Chriz, Hope, Dhiren, Suresh, Apocalypse, Akansha . But I would like to acknowledge them here as well. They have been very cute indeed.
For the rest ten plus cuties,
Harsh for all his cute stories on college life
White phoenix for a wonderful blog
Onthewingsofadream for her writing style
Raaji for being an inspiration
Keshi for being a wonderful person.
ayushi akka cyrstal for a wonderful blog
vinumohan and pisku for portraying emotions beautifully
heart and soul for just touching my heart by her lovely stories
Ritu for her stories on her son and dil
Nene / Nehya, She is indeed a cute little blogger
And guys and gals, be kind and generous, and award to other cute bloggers too!!And I was hoping that the eleven of you could write some cute things about yourself too!! Cheers
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
She came home during Diwali. This time, the storm within her had calmed down and she seemed more composed than before. After much insistence from my friends, I decided to tell her about my feelings. I was scared but nonetheless, I had to tell her this time before it was too late.
I was in a very good mood indeed as I could hear her laughing and cracking PJ with my sister. I assumed even she was in a good mood. I was waiting for an opportunity to be alone with her again and to reveal my feelings for her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her more than anyone .And that I would never let any tears come in her eyes. I would bring her all the joys and happiness, which she deserved.
It was evening by the time I got her alone. She came out in the veranda for lighting the lamps. It was a perfect star lit sky and her cute face was shining like the lamps which she was lighting. I also started helping her by lighting the other lamps and started a conversation with her. After few random tit-bits, I told her that I loved her. Initially she didn’t react to what I said. I assumed she didn’t hear. So I repeated myself again. I love you Sneha. She stared at me for almost sometime. And then she started laughing. She assumed that I was joking with her. When I convinced her, that I was really in love with her. She just told that she never saw me that way. She considered me as a very good friend and there was nothing more to it. I stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do next.
I messaged her later that night. But she never replied. I cried that night. It seemed to be the longest night of my life. She went back to her hostel next day itself. I felt guilty for causing her more pain.
I never saw her after that. I missed her a lot. I received a new job offer in another country and I moved on. From my family, I kept hearing about her. I wondered whether she ever thought of me or even remembered me.
Today I write this, as I would be visiting my country after three long years, I wonder how she would look now, and would she still talk to me? I don't know....yet
P/S : Dear readers, that's the end of the "the Untold Stories" series. Hope you have enjoyed it.
PPS: Hey there is a fourth and fifth part to this, its on request from friends and bloggers!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Six months had passed by. She kept coming home every weekend which was very unlikely of her. Her eyes which uses to be lit like a star had seemed to lose its shine .Her smile also seemed artificial. Nobody could read her as I could. I tried to talk to her but she seems to look through me. She seemed to be in a daze, hardly interacting with any one. Sometimes I could hear her crying in the room but never had the courage to knock on the door. It tore my heart to see her in such a state.
One day, she was sitting in the veranda of our house, gazing the sky, one tear rolled out of her eyes. I wanted to hold her and calm her down, but this time I didn’t hold myself back but seriously made an effort to go to her, and asked her to share her problem with me. She denied immediately, she said she didn’t need any one, she doesn’t trust any one, anymore. She just wanted to be alone.
I didn’t walk away from there like I always did, this time I just sat next to her, in case she needed me. An hour passed, only the buzzing sound of flies could be heard. She realized that I was not leaving her side until she told me her problem. A fresh set of tears came down from her eyes. She mumbled during her sobs, that she had a boyfriend and he had broken her heart and was dating her best friend now. She didn’t know whom to trust and whom to talk to. Everything had fallen apart for her.
My world fell apart when she claimed to love some one else. No one could hear the shattering sound within me. I just held her hand to console her. I couldn’t cry. But this pain seemed to be everlasting, like the broken pieces of glass which seemed to have pierced into my skin. I hated her boyfriend for hurting her so much.
Monday, March 2, 2009