Why stay here

When there is a better place to live. Why suffer everytime by staying here. What do I gain ? Is it always about gaining or losing. But atleast its about that peaceful life which I long for, which I haven’t experienced from a long time. Who is it to be blamed? Me myself and I.

I want to move to a better place but other’s mind I am unable to change. Why do I need to make every one agree for moving out from here. Why don’t they want a better life or a stress free life. Its almost  20 years they have stayed here. May be they have developed attachment for it. But I don’t seem to develop anything for this sad place. Every other day, there is some issue,either  it’s the electrical or basic water needs. Why is this such a sad place to live ? Constant fight,disgust and hatred I feel most of the time.I want to be free from all this. I want to run off  but I am tied. 

I have being taught to adjust, to make sacrifices, to think of others first than myself. But for how long can I continue like this? I am not a strong person and I can’t pretend to be. I know there is a better place than this one but I am unable to convince others and I have to continue staying like this.

Now I have become bitter towards every one even though its not their fault but I can’t help it. I can’t hide my disappointment in them so it turns into bitterness and it comes out once in awhile. And by the time I realize it, its too late.

Sometimes I don’t feel anything, I can’t even seem to cry now. I am unable to forgive even though its not their fault. Life has become complex and to untangle it we have to move in circles again and again until I am able to breathe free.