Whats in a name

There is lot to it if u think so.After all its going to be stuck to you whole life .(Yeah some do change it through legal proceedings). But I am not going to look into that for now.

When I was pregnant, I and my hubby had selected on few names for our unborn baby. If it was going to be a boy, We would have named him Aarav and if it was a gal, then we would have named her Aarohi.

And when finally the baby arrived, I called him while lying on my bed and that too for the first time  ie Aaaru, my sweet Aaaru.

But when the naming ceremony came up, we had to look for names which co-existed with the stars. So his was "D". There were so few names with D, one eg was "Dhananjay". it sounded so old. And I was not at all happy with the D letter.

I was in a fix, if to go with the stars or with Aarav.

And there was my mom constantly advising or I should say pressurizing to go with the star name. But I was not convinced. So I asked opinion of my hubby. And he was like, its not that bad after all to go with the stars. So we started to look for names with "D". Then my mom wanted it to be lord Krishna name. So double work again, criteria : Name starting with D and has to be lord Krishna names.

So finally my hubby found "Darsh", In Gujarati, it seems, they call Krishna with another name called "DARSH".

But the dilemma of naming my child Aarav as Darsh was very difficult for me. I know what's there in a name but I couldn't let go of Aarav till the last. Finally for every one happiness, I bowed down to Darsh. And finally the name stuck as Darsh for my little naughty darling.

Later I decided I would call him Aarav only at home, and for outside world, he would be Darsh. It use to be so tough for me, as initially I was calling him Aaru out of love, and then slowly now I have started calling Darsh and now its Darshuuu out of love.

My hubby jokes sometimes that if it was a gal, then it would have being Darshini. Lol.

So much for the name I say.

Why stay here

When there is a better place to live. Why suffer everytime by staying here. What do I gain ? Is it always about gaining or losing. But atleast its about that peaceful life which I long for, which I haven’t experienced from a long time. Who is it to be blamed? Me myself and I.

I want to move to a better place but other’s mind I am unable to change. Why do I need to make every one agree for moving out from here. Why don’t they want a better life or a stress free life. Its almost  20 years they have stayed here. May be they have developed attachment for it. But I don’t seem to develop anything for this sad place. Every other day, there is some issue,either  it’s the electrical or basic water needs. Why is this such a sad place to live ? Constant fight,disgust and hatred I feel most of the time.I want to be free from all this. I want to run off  but I am tied. 

I have being taught to adjust, to make sacrifices, to think of others first than myself. But for how long can I continue like this? I am not a strong person and I can’t pretend to be. I know there is a better place than this one but I am unable to convince others and I have to continue staying like this.

Now I have become bitter towards every one even though its not their fault but I can’t help it. I can’t hide my disappointment in them so it turns into bitterness and it comes out once in awhile. And by the time I realize it, its too late.

Sometimes I don’t feel anything, I can’t even seem to cry now. I am unable to forgive even though its not their fault. Life has become complex and to untangle it we have to move in circles again and again until I am able to breathe free.

Sunday Movie Time

Oh my writing genes are not working anymore like it use to work 4 years before. I am completely at loss of topic.my cousins says that I have a kid and I can go on writing about him and his antics but I don’t know I am not able to. Gosh I am so uncreative these days.

I watched 2 states after so much buttering to my hubby. He didn’t want to come for a love story and he was adamant on watching Bhootnath returns. And I like a romantic die hard fan of romance, was dying to see the movie. After all it was my favorite novel and author’s marriage story. My husband even suggested that he would get me a good dvd print and I can watch it comfortably at home. According to me, the theatre  effect doesn’t come at home, so somehow I feel some movies are worth watching in theatres. And I have made same mistakes in the past by watching some really good movies at home.Like for eg: "Jab we met": I know it came on tv so many times that I hate it now. But when I had first seen the movie, I just wanted to book a ticket in theatre and watch it all over again. Then there was "3 idiots", okay another of chetan bhagats novel adapataion “Five Point Someone”. So I just didn’t want to do that with 2 states.

 But somehow I couldn’t enjoy it like the book. I was hoping lot more from the movie as the book was damn good and hard to be kept down until you completed the book. The movie somehow seemed draggy and moved at a very slow pace to me. But surprisingly my husband and my cousins, all  loved the movie as they had not read the book, so I think it was good for them. It’s a simple love story and any one would connect with it. But somehow I couldn’t connect with it. Okay enough about me ranting that the movie didn’t surpass my expectation, after all the movie got 4 stars and is still minting money at the box office. So I won’t complain more. 

Note: Above pic taken from wikimedia.org

Motherhood : the pain,the trauma and glory

I have missed writing here for a long period. Each time I write and then I don’t post it. Thinking it is too gibberish to post it or start a new blog and then don’t know it’s all forgotten in this busy world of mine.

I thought after marriage, I would have lots to post about. But I never did.

Then a little boy came in my life and I got caught up in his activities, with no time left for me.

I don’t know how other mommy bloggers do it, but it’s still took me almost 1.5 years to come to grip towards my normal life.

During pregnancy I was in my own happy go world, worrying about delivery and the baby’s health etc.

Then once the little baby came in my life, I had to go through lot of pain. And dealing with these pains, I banished myself from the outside world completely. I use to be miserable and lonely and asking most of the time WHY ME??

Finally after few months, the pains were gone but the scars of it remain. And emotionally and physically too drained to contact anyone. Most of the time worried that I may harm my own baby unknowingly or some or the other mistakes I may do and my little baby have to suffer.

After 1^st delivery, I would like to take a bow to all the brave mother’s who gave birth to 2^nd or more child. I am not discouraging others but it’s really takes guts and to be strong enough to brave all the pain which comes along with motherhood. It’s truly said, that when a child is born, a mother is also born along with it.  

Then whole time worried, that the child is not reaching his milestone activities which are mentioned in the books. It is an emotional journey for a parent to see the child grow normally and be proud of it.

And there is vaccination pain which the child has to endure for few minutes but the pain lingers in my heart and mind for a day or until the baby gives me the reassuring smile that he is alright.

All this I never shared with any one for a long time but now I am comfortable with it and I write it here as my comeback post.