Something to write about

Life has become really boring. With No TV serials to watch, due to some satellite problem. And to depend for every thing on computer, it feels terrible and specially if its a very slow computer. You feel like banging it or throwing some sense into it... but you know, we can't do it. I envy people who are enjoying vacation in some foreign location or a local by place itself. The place where I am staying right now, doesn't have any of these things, not even theatres for entertainment. I hate going to elder parties also, cos its become a huge task to dress up and appear good and then sit in 1 corner of the room thinking why on earth are you here? !!! Every party, same people and then you don't know what conversation to make with them again.Then you hear ladies chatting about cooking and recipes, then I get more irritated. I can't imagine more boring life than mine. So I don't get any topics also to blog now a days cos my life has become boring. Since by educational qualification, I am a computer engineer, my dad expects me to find out the reason behind our computer being slow!! I wish I had taken hardware courses while doing engineering. ;) Then lately things at home have started getting spoiled. 1st it was my sweet little laptop, its screen got screwed up. then the next thing, our toaster got burnt suddenly. Then now my sweet tiny little mobile has stopped getting charged by any charger. Then our land-line phone seems to stop working sometimes. But correctly at 12:30 in the night, it will ring, some stupid person keeps calling for no-reason at all. Then our Tata Sky receiver has stopped receiving signal, so No TV also. And then our desktop at home has suddenly started working slow, and while browsing it will hang for no reason.For turning it off, takes at least minimum 15minutes. You see series of bad things, I wonder what bad omen it is!! Now my only my sweet little novels have being giving me company. Presently reading, P.S I LOVE YOU...

So until then, take care bloggers and keep in touch but without touching!!HEHE Okay that was just a dumb PJ!!

Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better

Crossing the barrier of "quarter of a century"

Aha that title seems to be taken from epic book!! But no no, its my own words and not taken from any historical books. This blog has caught dust after being ignored from so many months.But believe me, I never wanted to do that. Its just, I get a idea for a topic and by the time, I sit to write, I loose all the interest and I end up writing only a title.But its always a special feeling to write over here, something that makes me happy and I have ignored it all along from a long time. And the funniest thing is, every time I publish some thing here, I tell myself, "I am going to write everyday and publish everyday", But It never happens.

I am drifting away from the main topic, crossing the "quarter of a century". It makes me feel special as well as old. Its not easy to accept so many changes and responsibilities and make quick decisions like elders do. I am still very choosy and still not able to make a quick decisions. Even this time, for selection of one cake, I would have taken another 30 minutes if I had being alone! Every year I would happily wait for this day like a kid, but from the past two years, it has lost its glory, I feel silly cutting cake and receiving gifts. It makes me feel that I am growing older and funnily we all are celebrating the day of becoming older. Like every coin has two sides to it, even birthdays have two sides to it, we receive calls and messages from all our dear ones even if they don't have time in the entire one year to talk to us, but they take this day to remind us, that they still remember and care for us.That's the beauty of this day which I love it all the way.

And don't get me wrong, gifts are always nice, even if its only silly card and that silly card has also being replaced by online e-cards.It still makes me special for that one day, cos its one day where every one thinks of you. Now new patterns have developed where in, the guest receives a return gift. Its wonderful way to share your joy. Then there are people who celebrate their birthdays in the old-age house or the orphanage. I think its quite a noble way to share your joy with the ones who are deprived of them. Life has its way of saying, that whatever we give to others, we get it back too. So if we make some one happy today, tomorrow some one will make us happy too. Thats the way our universe works.

And I have missed out many post of my blogger friends in the past few months. Hopefully this time, I will be able to keep in touch with every one. For now I am enjoying eating my delicious cake, you all enjoy watching me eat.

"Feeling Good" should be considered as an Attitude

Atlast the dark gloomy clouds have moved away,
And I can smile as bright as the Sun
without fearing the world !!

I feel gratitude towards one and all,
who stood by me and even who were questioning my ability.
As the day has come for me to dance away in glory.

Yes I finally got what I wanted the most.
But this fickle mind is not yet satisfied,
as it still wants something more!!


Note: I thank all the people who commented on my last few post,even though I didn't reply to them but it all helped me to move up in mylife. Love all.

Interviews

I hate that word itself now. I don't dread it like I use to before, cos I have being to so many interviews now but with no luck on my side!!! After every interview,I use to sit and think what went wrong?? (Self help books always said that!!) They always said don't get upset over being rejected, just try to learn from them and don't do the same mistake next time. And mostly I screwed up with Technical rounds. With great difficulty I use to clear THE APTITUDE round (if I was lucky!!). And then came the most dreadful of all THE TECHNICAL round. Only once in my lifetime I have being very lucky to clear that and thats when I had landed on my first job!!! It felt like cloud 9.And I wanted to jump and dance and throw a party for getting my first job. It all seems like yesterday.But a long time has passed by!! And funnily my first job didn't require much of a technical work at all. So I wondered what was all the need of a technical job and moreover we get a training too on the job which we are going to be doing. Soon I got into another job, which was all seemingly too good to be true at that time. But I was just okay with it. Not very elated nor too sad. It was just a chore and was being paid more than I received previously. So it was all good. But you see, life is not perfect cake walk as we all want it to be. Every good story has a bad part, so did mine! otherwise story is not good everything happens good. So there I was always grumbling about not getting the pay I always wanted or demanded I should say!! And it started on to become frustrating with me and my job and my life. And I wanted a change, a change for good, a change for good life style. Was fed up of travelling in a crowded bus everyday, fed up of my boss not being very happy with my work and fed up of my food and life style. I will tell you what I use to feel. I use to feel I am the most poorest person on earth.I cant stop laughing at that statement I just made But yes I use to feel that. I mean I hated the clothes which I use to wear, those damn salwar kameez!!! It made me sick. I know I could buy new clothes and feel good. But I never had enough money. Salary use to come and it use to go on paying house bills and food,transport and other extra eating stuff and some insurance thing!! So I wanted more out of life as I was leading a very dull and frustrated life by then. So I took a biggest plunge and resigned. And yes its going to be 1 year next month. I feel like laughing and suiciding at the same time. As I am sitting at home still waiting for some miracle to happen now. I mean till last month, I never felt that I did the wrong thing. But this world and my condition at present has taught me that I had made the wrong decision.But sadly nothing can be done about it now. Its all in the past and I can just regret or cry or feel suicidal.Like good and smart people, I should have resigned only if I had another job in hand. But like a dumbass, I quit before finding another job. Cos I had wrongly assumed, that I would be in job within 3 months or so.
Life isn't that bad for me presently except I don't have a job.The JOBLESS tag has being stuck to me. But other than that, life is really good. I am staying with my parents and obviously have good food and good lifestyle.I mean I feel good with all those good things around, good clothes, good food and wine. And a loving boy friend and my tv serials and yes my novels.They all have being good. But still somewhere I do feel empty and it will be only complete when I have a job.

Okay enough of my melodramatic life story, I have forgotten the initial topic "Interview". Yeah that brings me to the most recent interview I had attended for a teaching post. Oh yeah I hate teaching, its just something than doing nothing I thought. Mom got the form for me. And after reading it, I was like forget it, I am not going to get selected. There are 3 rounds and I am sure I won't cross the 1st round itself. But still for every ones sake, I filled in the form and submitted.1st round being THE APTITUDE test, I was very cool. After writing it, I was like I am doomed, why the hell in the first place did I think of it!! After few days, results came that I cleared it!! I couldn't believe it, I thought may be the lady luck is after all with me. And then the next round was CRM ( Class room management) test. I was very sure I wouldn't clear this, as I had to take classes with students and teachers present to monitor us.And we had to use all those teaching aids for the demo to secure more marks and prepare a report about it. And the report had to be hand written. And we had being given just one day to prepare for our lessons and other stuff. So here I was stuck with all the chart papers and paper cutting and sketch pens surrounding me. And I am lost between them. At one time I was writing the report,next moment I am cutting out shapes and next I am confused what I am going to teach and how would I go about it. And it became 4am in the morning by the time I wrapped up everything. Next day, full prepared and slightly nervous I gave the demo with all the students and teachers present. It all seemed okay except that I couldn't handle the 2nd grade boys who were trying to act very smart and naughty at the same time. Enough of the drama, after few days, results came and I cleared it. Finally hard work paid off and that feeling of lady luck is shinning felt good. Next I had to just go for one final PERSONAL INTERVIEW round. I hate that round too cos here they grill you as though your not worthy of a person to be living on this planet earth!! After that round, you start feeling as though your the most dumbass presesnt on this earth and you are better off doing a clerical job than trying to becoming something else!! Okay so being like a good candidate, I prepared myself for the questions that will usually one will ask, like "Tell me about yourself", "why do you want to do this job" or etc. So here I enter the room with a panel of teachers and principals waiting to grind me off were seated in their respective chairs. Totally 4 people were present.
Principal : What subjects would you prefer??
Moi : Either computers or maths.
Princi : Why does the stars twinkle??
Moi (pauses for a moment and then full confidently answers): Stars don't twinkle,they just appear to be twinkling as they are far off.
Princi : Is there some science behind it??
Moi (wondering what science) : silence so as to not embarrass any one!!
Princi : why do people wear light color clothes in summer and dark color clothes in winter??
Moi(fully confused with the question and still confidently answering): Since light color clothes absorb less heat, we wear them in summer and dark color clothes in winter as it absorbs heat from the sun and keeps us warm. (the princi wasn't very happy with my answers as it showed on his face).
Princi : you are not very good with the subjects!
Moi : I will try to do my best if given a chance

Okay that was just a part of my interview which seemed funny to me and the rest part I have omitted as they were not-very funny parts. And after coming home, I declared to every one that I am not going to be lucky this time and I won't clear it at all. And then the results came out after few days and it turned out this time my lady luck wasn't shinning at all!! So this teaching chapter is over and become a past. And decided that teaching was a bad idea after all.

Now you know why interviews are so dreadful, they give you hope at each stage and finally when you reach the cliff, they push you off from it. Thats the way of life I have learned. No point of feeling suicidal cos every one has a bad day and in my case it's being a bad year and a bad decision. And I try to look at the good things in my life and count my blessings that god has showered on me.

And I hope I haven't bored you all with such a long post.

Whats your favorite color ?

Friend : What’s your favorite color?
Moi : Hmmm Red, sometimes Black and sometimes blue also
I don’t know!!

Friend : You are always so confused but you know mine is Orange
Moi : why ?
Friend : Cos its bright and it looks lovely on me and all my dresses are of orange
color. And my favorite ice candy is orange color too.

Moi : And your favorite fruit must be orange too?

Well that’s a pointless discussion but I would like to know what’s your favorite color and why?

We see different shades of colors everyday
we feel them too sometimes
And some become a part of our life
But some days, it goes un-noticed too
And the day passes off just like a blur

And some days the shade is White
White, can I call it a color also?
Or white which makes me look like a ghost and rarely a fairy
Or the white, which is the sign of peace and tranquility

And some days the shade is Black
Black, the color of elegance, style and panache
But for some, black is not a color
It’s just an empty void.

And some days the shade is Red
Red, Bright and a beauty with style like a cherry
For some its the symbol of love
And for some the color of blood and loss

And some days, we don’t want to notice the shade
Shades, some colorful and some not so colorful
Whatever shade may be, we have the choice
We choose the color we want to paint our today and tomorrow.


And what if I say
Sometimes we don’t have a choice
Then what?
Colors will still remain the same
Only difference will be the perspective
And the same beautiful color
Will look ugly
So choose your colors wisely.

An Endless search

Caution : Below things are written in a very depressed state of mind, so don't go ahead if you cant handle it. ( Don't blame me in the end, if you didn't get head or tail of it.)

A search, which has no end, I feel. I read and read many books, watched TV, spoke to people around but deep inside really not interested. It’s just a mundane task being performed for keeping my mind diverted. Mind is also funny; it comes back to the same old question. When? Where? Will this search lead to!! This search has taken me to different places, cities and countries but still I am thirsty, and each time much more than before. Will my thirst be quenched in this decade?? How long before I move on like this like an aimless soul. Sometimes I don’t know what I am searching for. Sometimes I feel I have found it, but the same moment I feel I have lost more than I have got. Why is this feeling not ending?? Why is it haunting everywhere I go? I play and play till this body tires out. But the thirst doesn’t end here. This thirst makes me nauseated a times. Some days it even brinks me to the well but my sanity steps in and I stop myself. Is life only this search or there is more to it. I don’t have answers. If I had, I wouldn’t be writing this. Somewhere deep fear exists, it awakens every now and then. The fear that I have lost everything and the fear of loosing more keeps me in sanity. I don’t know what to accept and what not to accept. Only I know this search is endless and from here I see only darkness. But there is a hand, there is a face, which assures me every now and then that everything will be all right in due course of time. I have everything but still I feel empty. Very empty I mean, its just leaves me bloated with my thoughts, my sanity and deep down my fear. What is life I asked? And I got the answer, it is bringing smile on some one else. This life, which is to serve the almighty, a chance we may not get again, but we loose it all the more. Strange is life when I don’t get my kind of answers. Lost and bruised, will I be able to get up and even if I do get up, will this world let me live the way I dreamt of it?? Fear of not even being able to try leaves me all the more isolated and obsessed of my fear. Overcoming it will take few days or few months or I don’t know really. All I know this search is endless.

Happy Republic Day

We Indians celebrate every festival with much hype and galore but when it comes to celebrating our republic day, we take it as another holiday in our calendar. Most of us have already booked advanced ticket for movies or some other family affair. I don't say its wrong, every one has their opinion and lifestyle. But at least let us wish each other for this glorious 61st republic day to each other so that its not forgotten by us and our coming generations.

Jai Hind!

Kambhaqt Ishq

Kambhaqt yeh neend b nahi aati,

Jab tum kareeb b hote ho,

Aur jab tum dooor b hote ho,

yeh pechle saal ka kissa hai,

Kambhaqt yeh saal b silsila jaari hai.

Wishing you all a happy new year and let the journey of blog be continued this year too.